Chelsea Handler Interview - Chelsea Lately Star Chelsea Handler

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Chelsea Handler is positively perky as she arrives at New York's Crosby Street Hotel, even though it's before 9:00 on a Sunday morning. And unlike her Hollywood peers, she is alone — without the usual entourage of, well, handlers.

She is tackling the role of that particular Los Angeleno species for this shoot, but she can take care of herself just fine. A handler is the publicist, adviser, protector, and all-purpose hand-holder employed by many a celeb to prevent any embarrassing TMZ fodder, like on-set scandals or red-carpet wardrobe malfunctions — just the sort of person Handler regularly skewers on her hugely popular late-night E! talk show, Chelsea Lately.

"Sometimes the publicists are worse than the star," observes Handler, who has certainly dealt with her fair share of the type. "They really are delusional. That's why when I hired a publicist, I was like, I never want the type who is going to be such a pain in the ass and treats people terribly."

But of course, neither Handler nor Abigail Breslin, who is playing against type as a bratty teenage celebutante, is a demanding star. In fact, the precociously poised Breslin is spending her only day off from rehearsals for her Broadway debut as Helen Keller in The Miracle Worker posing for Bazaar. The miracle here is that the only entourage this 13-year-old had in tow was her mother. Meanwhile, Handler's own publicist, Stephen Huvane, isn't the tantrum type. He and Handler are sprawled out on the bed of an eighth-floor suite, amusing themselves with a stack of magazines 10 deep and the Sunday papers.

"A lot of publicists trade their clients," Handler continues. "They'll say you can have this person only if you'll have this person who's not as successful or famous," just like baseball cards, but plus Zac Efron and minus Alex Rodriguez. "If your client knew what you were doing, then they wouldn't be having you represent them."

Such straight talk about Hollywood has become Handler's trademark, as anyone who is familiar with her show or best-selling books knows. No one is safe from her gimlet-eyed commentary, whether it's Madonna ("According to a report, Madonna and Jesus Luz have broken up... . He's moving on to someone younger, hopefully Betty White," she blogged) or Paris Hilton. ("[Paris] posted on her Twitter: 'Sad to leave [Brazil], but ready to go home and get back to work. :)' Work then responded on its Twitter: 'I've never heard of Paris Hilton.'") Today's costar, Breslin, is one of the few who make it through unscathed — even when she's playing a brat, kicking popcorn at Handler. In fact, the two make an adorably odd couple, with Breslin having fun ordering her around and laughing at Handler's joking exasperation.

Her tough-talking attitude hasn't scared away big-name guests like Jennifer Aniston or Mary J. Blige, however. In fact, they seem to revel in it. Perhaps that's because Handler, 35, is definitely of the school that preaches that if you can't take it, don't dish it out.

Writing her latest book, Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang, out now, provided the perfect opportunity to make fun of herself. "I don't get to talk about my personal life enough on the show," she says. "[The book] is about the embarrassing situations I find myself in." Like when she took mushrooms with her brother while on a family vacation in Martha's Vineyard (an episode resulting in her having hallucinations of flying babies). She is, of course, equal opportunity. Everyone in Handler's life is a target, from her dog, Chunk, to her dad and her ex-boyfriend Ted Harbert (even though the latter is technically her boss, as the current president and CEO of Comcast Entertainment Group, which includes Handler's show's home on E!).

"[Ted] has read the book and signed off on everything, so he should be fine with it," says Handler, though she does compare him to a "large toddler" in its pages. It's better than how she describes her now-retired used-car-dealer father. She details his affairs with his cleaning ladies and his defunct personal hygiene and suggests, not entirely joking, that he should be committed. "[My father] likes to have any attention, whether it's negative or positive. He is pretty much under the correct impression that he has no say in anything I do and that my childhood was humiliating enough. So it's payback time," says Handler. "If he tried to sue me, he'd have to borrow money from me to sue me."

Handler grew up in Livingston, New Jersey, the youngest of six children. "I think my parents just realized that if they had another kid, she'd just raise herself, which is what happened," she says. "They were not your typical middle-class parents that I was surrounded by. They didn't ask for anybody's phone numbers when I went out. They weren't interested in where I spent the night."

At least her colorful upbringing gave her a lot of material. "Everyone in our family has a pretty warped sense of humor. I just have the biggest mouth about it." That's something her guests have to be prepared for. "If I can keep it together for the entire day, then you have to keep it together for the 10 minutes that you're being interviewed," she says of her TV guests. "I don't think anyone would come to the show thinking that [diva behavior] was acceptable. That's not really how I roll."

There are pleasant surprises, however. "It's always nice when you see somebody who's bigger than life and you meet them in person," says Handler of Demi Moore (this month's Bazaar cover star and a recent first-time guest). "You're like, I wonder what they'll be like, [and then] they're totally normal and cool. That's great."

Handler works hard to maintain her distance from the tabloidy Hollywood scene she dissects nightly. "I don't really go out and about at all those nightclubs. I got that out of my system in my 20s," says Handler, who prefers to hang out at her friends' houses and "just chill." "I'm not that into getting my photograph taken. I think people see enough of me if they want to [on TV] every night." Anyway, she quips, "I can't afford to get a DUI with the people I make fun of on this show."

Indeed, a Chelsea Handler-style bender is hardly grist for the rumor mill. "I have hummus parties," she says. "We like hummus. Hummus and tortilla chips. Fistfuls of hummus." That and a few Belvedere and sodas — a drink Handler is so openly enamored of, the brand is sponsoring her current comedy tour.

In fact, working out is pretty much the only de rigueur Hollywood activity Handler indulges in. She keeps her body TV ready with daily jogs on the beach near her house and up the famously brutal Santa Monica steps. "[Sometimes] I'm running and get passed by a 70-year-old woman with a better body," Handler claims. But still, "I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels." (Taco Bell and Lean Pockets also get a lot of shout-outs from her.)

Handler works as hard as she works out. Despite her claim that "I spend the better part of my day having my hair and makeup done," she is actually in meetings from 9:30 every morning, finessing jokes with her staff of writers, writing her daily blog, and filming the show in the afternoon. And on top of all that, she banged out her latest book in just six months. "I think I'm probably close to a midlife crisis, but I try to keep those at bay," she says, by taking trips with her girlfriends to places like Lake Tahoe, St. Barts, and Miami. In fact, some of her friends, a.k.a. entourage, did come along for the ride at the Bazaar shoot but hung out at the hotel bar while Handler looked professionally oppressed in the lobby.

"I decided to become a comedian when someone told me you only work on weekends. Turns out they were way off base," says Handler, laughing. "I work more than anyone in my family, but luckily I now also take better vacations than anyone in my family."

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